The Good News Is

Far away from the din and fury of chopping people’s nose and hands, we have some good news. 

Ivanka Trump is coming.

Such a blessing because the political narrative on television has been so cringe-worthy, that you want to cry. But now that the ‘first daughter’ is here to attend the Global Entrepreneurship Summit in Hyderabad, we will hear what she wore, how she smiled, and whom she met. A breath of fresh glamorous air. 

Yes, thank you. I’d rather drool over celebrities and feast over my slavish cravings than watch our politicians indulge in an ugly slugfest.

So, now that the beggars of Hyderabad have been dumped in orphanages, Charminar has been given a fresh coat of paint, potholes fixed, Falaknuma Palace given a makeover, searches conducted, fingerprints taken - Hyderabad would love to host Ivanka every month. News is that the Hyderabad police is on a high alert. They have requested people to inform them about any suspicious movement while Ivanka is there. After she leaves, Hyderabad residents can go jump in Hussain Sagar Lake for all they care.

Meanwhile we in moon-crater land Gurgaon are hoping Ivanka ji blesses us with a visit. The pollution scene has improved from ‘severe’ to ‘poor’ category - which is wonderful! As a result, Khattar and Hooda in Haryana are squabbling over the most important issue – who will felicitate Ms World, Manushi Chillar. And Arvind Kejriwal is back to launching books on odd days and reviewing movies on even days. 

Coming back to Ivanka, it all began when Modi ji activated his Trump card by inviting POTUS . Given that ‘Daddy’ was busy holidaying at his exclusive Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, he decided to indulge in some Daughter Diplomacy. It’s like you invite your boss to attend your marriage, but he sends his high profile private secretary instead. With a huge bouquet. 

Hopefully Modi ji will refrain from a hugging spree, instead, Sushma ji can clinch her in a motherly embrace. Frankly, by now the jhappies and pappies with Nawaz should have taught us that moments of cleavage are a waste of emotions.

But it doesn’t matter. We are an obsequious lot - as long as there’s white skin and a powerful family name, we are happy to repaint Hyderabad for eleven year old Barron Trump (Son of DonaldTrump) too .

Come Tuesday, and our microphone wielders will fawn over Ivanka’s dress, her smile, and her hour glass figure. Even the Trumpphobes will line up to shake her manicured hands. Of course, we are eager to know if she wore a Dolce & Gabbana or her own label that sells bags, apparel and shoes. And to adduce the meaning behind every extended handshake and twinge of her lips.

Ivanka with her mom Ivana
Image courtesy mydailynews.com

Lest you think otherwise, Ivanka will speak to men and women of all shapes, sizes, colour and religion. Talking about religion, the visit to a mosque is aimed at building bridges with the Islamic world. Yes sir, Rahul and Modi are not the only ones visiting religious places to score political brownies.

But here comes the real shocker. Unlike our dimpled family scion, Ivanka Ji is a qualified graduate in Economics from Wharton. She is so qualified that she decided to work as an unpaid White House employee in the capacity of an advisor to the POTUS. This is nice, given that her dad is so privileged that the first job he ever had to apply for was the president of the United States. According to the US administration, Ivanka is supposed to be her daddy's 'eyes and ears'. That people want her to be her daddy's tweeting fingers is a different matter.

Image from Instagram

When Ivanka’s Wharton classmates were quizzed about her most of them said she was very gracious and dignified. Well, if your mother was a model, poise and grace would be a given. Also the fact that the Ivanka was a model at fourteen and much before her 15th birthday, she featured in Elle magazine along with a campaign for brands like Tommy Hilfiger. 

Now to the family part that will dampen the chances of those who fancy her. The thirty six year old Ivanka has three kids – Arabella, Joseph and Theodore. Oh, and I almost forgot. Arabella can recite poems in Mandarin and name most zoo animals. This is remarkable given that her grandfather told a rally in Indiana that China should not be allowed to ‘rape our country’. Ouch!

 To give the pretty girl her due, calm and focused Ivanka has raised the bar with her gracious demeanour and sensible tweets. 

All said, celebrities like Ivanka should visit us every month. A new city each time. This is the only way our pot holes will be fixed, our security beefed up and our monuments given a makeover. Maybe we will do something about our pollution too. What’s Kate Middleton doing in December? 

Images from here