No More Play

News: Playboy, the iconic purveyor of female anatomy tucked between epic interviews and investigative features, decided to can its famed nude photographs. The magazine that once interviewed Jawahar Lal Nehru is giving up its nudity cachet because public has easy access to smut on the internet. It makes no sense to flog the female anatomy in print. The internet is doing the job admirably.Moreover, with teenage boys transitioning straight into adulthood, dudes don't need nudes.

Reaction: On the Buck Stops Here, Ms Dutt conducted a debate on the rise in objectification of women where ten Bollywood directors returned their Manikchand Filmfare awards. Rajdeep traveled to the Hefner Mansion to ask if the reader will now read Playboy for news, and if this is what Achey Din was all about. Arnab invited Pakistan Army veterans to debate if this clean up act by Playboy was a publicity stunt. Some nationalists went door-to-door to smear ink on everyone at home who was watching Pak panelists on TimesNow. It was a mark of respect for our soldiers, they said. Since media decides what we debate, our  leaders also commented on this landmark event.

RG: Bhaiya, magazines Kiske Liye Hoti Hai? Unke Liye Jo Suit Boot Pehente Hai. Poor people don’t need magazines - they use their imagination. Ye opposition wale are saying that Nehru ji gave an interview to Playboy in October 1963 issue. Why, even Steve Jobs gave an interview to this magazine. My grandfather never gave a formal-sit-down - his views were collated from several speeches. I don’t believe in formal interviews after I gave one to that nude, err, dude who you call India’s conscience keeper. Since this government assumed power, there has been a rise in dirty magazines. People are reading them and killing each other. Pradhanmantri Ki Baat Mein Vazan Hona Chaiye. Why doesn’t our PM speak on this issue?

NM: Mitron, I want to tell you that the decision to do away with dirty pictures is a part of our Swach Bharat campaign. Our Goa government in 2013 had already rejected Playboy’s proposal to open a beach bar. My good friend, Playboy CEO Scott Flanders said, “Ever since we got rid of nudity on our website in August, traffic has quadrupled.”  Mitron, 62 years after the first issue came out, I managed to stop the nudes. I also suggested Scott to visit the temple Mark visited and look, his sales quadrupled. Aap Bataiye Ki Ye Band Hona Chahiye Tha Ya Nahin? When I go abroad, the whole world comes to meet me. Why? Not because of me. But because of Sawa Sau Crore Bharitya who do not believe in any state of undress. Tell me, why should one brand rake in more than one billion dollars in revenues annually? We believe in Sabka Saath, Sabka Vikas. All magazines should get equal opportunity. Main Aap Se Poochta Hoon, Bataiye, Ye Band Hona Chaiye Ya Nahin? (Orgasmic crowd screams, yes, yes, yes). Let them clean up, if needed, we will Make in India.

AK: Doston, the magazine’s editor Cory Jones says, “The decision to dispense with nudity has disappointed the 12 year old in current me.” I will make sure that the 12 year old in Cory is not disappointed as a result of centre’s policy. I’ve always been a fan of this magazine since my IIT days. We’ve grown up on its in-depth interviews . After the forthcoming Bihar erections, err, elections, I will invite Hugh Hefner ji to publish whatever he wants in Delhi. After all, Delhi is the  pure and pious capital of India according to Google trends. If the center cannot, I will provide every opportunity to a magazine that revolutionized engineering colleges. But, hum bhrashtachar bardasht nahi karenge. If any minister is caught taking money for publishing nude pictures, I will sack him on live TV along with the live visuals of what he was doing with the magazine. 

MY: What is the point of a clean Playboy? Boys will be boys. Those who do not have access to internet also deserve vicarious thrill. I’ll ask my minister to raise this issue at the UN.

SY: Kisne Mahila Ka Body Nahin Dekha Hai? Sabne Dekha Hai, then what is the problem?