Simply Sharad

This country, it seems, is not a nice place anymore. Robert is accused of land scam. But Sonia leads a march against the land acquisition bill. We want to crack Rahul jokes. But Rahul jokes are not funny anymore. Arvind’s sugar is under control. But his party is not. Sharad compliments women. But women create a furor. Bollywood celebrates size zero. But Sharad cannot talk about bodies. Is there any sense of justice?
Which is why, an upset Sharad ji revealed his feelings in a secret diary.

Dear diary,

Why exactly are Arnab and his band of merry women plundering me on television?
Each time I talk about the ten times fair sex, I do it with all the sincerity and vivid imagery at my command. And yet I get punched senseless. Back in 2013, Supriya Sule of the NCP lashed out when I had said, ‘Kaun hai hum me se jisne peechha nahi kiya hai. Aur jab mahila se baat karni hoti hai tab pehal mahila nahi karti hai, pehal toh hamein hi karna hoti hai.’ (We have all stalked women. And you have to take the first step when you want to speak to a woman. A woman will never approach you. We, men have to try on our own…)

What was offensive about it? When you don’t accuse Dharmendra for singing ‘Tera Peecha Na Chodunga Soniye’, why hang me? There is cultural acceptance when Bollywood celebrates stalking. But when I support stalking women, I get lynched. Tum karo to flirty, hum kare to dirty? 
 What about Valentine’s Day? Is it not about wooing women with flowers, gifts and cards? Tum karo to celebration, hum kare to objectification?

Then there was my innocuous remark about ‘Par kati mahilaye’. Far away from the pubs of Gurgaon, that’s what we call short haired women – par kati.
Now DMK MP Kanimozhi is upset. All because I spoke about female bodies! As a true buddy of Mulayam ji, I think and speak. When I was talking about bodies of South Indian women, I was thinking and speaking. Perhaps I digressed during a discussion on insurance bill. But what the hell! Is there a designated time and place when you can think about women?

It is a sad day for Indian politics when Smriti Irani has the gall to ask the ‘Best Parliamentarian’ to keep quiet.When I say I know what she is, I am not lying. I know. I can discuss her in the parliament at length. But no one lets me speak.
Above all, most of my colleagues share my view. Why else would they chuckle at my jokes? Tired after discussing complex national issues, we deserve a good laugh, no?

To those who want me to apologize, forget it. To those who call me a sexist, thank you. To my mind, I was always sexy. You should see me in my red Bermuda shorts. I once wore them on the beaches of Pattaya along with my buddies MSY and D.P. Tripathi. All the mahila on the beach went crazy. Now you are imagining, aren’t you? Everyone imagines. Tum karo to fantasize, hum kare to apologize?

Regardless of meaningless criticism, I will continue to work for  ‘par kati’, ‘full bodied’ ‘sanwali’ women who can dance well. Each and every kind of body - buxom, slender, obese, petite, slim, paunchy....Irrespective of the color, shape or size. And I say this with all the vivid imagination at my command. 

Also on Huffington Post.

 Image: From Here