Modi Diet

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Modi’s fasting fusillade has created a firestorm. For once a section of feminists won’t sneeze at women who will observe a fast this Karwachauth. As you watch Modiji conduct business meetings, address rock concerts where he’s wowing fans and rattling off Star Wars quotes, destroying Nawaz and his detractors in the path to attain God like status - you know that you can stay without food for a day. Looks like Star Wars quotes were written with magnificent Modi ji in mind – ‘Never tell me the odds’, ‘I think I just blasted it’, ‘I find your lack of faith disturbing’.....

The Pied Piper of Ahmedabad cooked a raw meat of his critics on a gentle fire of abstinence to inspire all those who wanted to learn a thing or two about self-discipline. So Bachi Kakaria rightfully said, “Modi did globally for the Navratra fest what Ekta Kapoor had done domestically for Karwachauth. However many ‘Kem Chhos’ Obama mouthed, on people’s lips it was Modi’s grueling regimen that abjures even the sabudaana gruel that lesser fasters slip in.”

After watching Modi ji survive, God bless him, on hot water, I am engulfed by pangs of guilt. You see, fasting doesn’t come easy to me. Not without the basic minimum diet of fruit and milk. And yet, despite the fruit and milk regimen, I resemble MMS by the end of the day – comatose and indifferent. Part of the reason why I am unable to survive fasts is because I never fasted as a kid. Except for one ritual where fasting was more fun than a strict regimen. You know the one where you enjoy boiled potatoes with rock salt, fruit chaat with chaat masaala, tea with ginger and a big glass of lassi with lots of cream. So naturally, the arrival of October fills me with awe and admiration for those who stay without food or water, and yet have the energy to dress up in bridal finery looking all lovely and breathtakingly gorgeous.

Moreover, for me, traveling and fasting never go hand in hand. I mean, unless you have food or a glass of milk at night, prior to the early morning flight, how do you go? You know what I am talking about. We Indians have a time for going. If we miss the date, the entire day goes for a toss. Don’t balk at the thought. These are serious concerns. What if you have to take psyllum husk (Isabgol for the uninformed) for smooth evacuation? Is husk allowed during a fast? What if you are unable to find the nearest Les Cabinets after drinking lots of water?

Regardless, all the future PM contenders will never be able to beat Modi ji unless they can observe his strict form of penance - a fast for nine days for thirty-five years on both Navratris – autumn and winter. Our Amethi boy has to match this ritual – no sabudaana lasagna and no kuttoo ka pasta. Not even at dusk. Not even if   devoted party men insist.

So this time, with Karwachauth looming large, Modi ji is going to be my inspiration. May the Force be with me! And for the daring Congressman who said this about the Madison square crowd, “If you give free food and free tickets, anyone can gather a crowd,” here is a quote from The Phantom Menace-
“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.”
 Take that!

(For the bhakts, don't kill me. This is called appreciation. Because every time I appreciate Modi ji, some netizens throw egg on my face without reading the article! Alas, such is thy devotion. And for the Congressmen, well, times are bad. Not easy to find fault with the man. Err, phenomenon. Right Tharoor? )

Watch Jon Stewarts hilarious take on Star Wars Quote by PM Modi