Good News!

Picture Courtesy:Google Pictures (tytropes.org)

The economy is slipping down a slippery slope. Tomato prices are kissing the moon. There is no coal for the power plants. Children are being raped and fed with poisonous food.

Where is the good news?

While Britain celebrates the royal baby, we are engaged in a slug fest between two bachelors - one sporting a veil of supposed secularism and the other dressed in knickers of alleged communalism.

While Britain celebrates the outcome of ‘puppies’ of a different sort, we are plumbing new depths over puppy analogies of the dirtiest kind. Shorts, skirts, English language, computers and chowmein could all be responsible for our plight.

Amid all the gloom and doom, the only silver lining was the Salman-ShahRukh hug that added cheer to our dreary routine of negotiating potholes, power cuts and puddles. Whoever referred to the ‘British stiff upper lip’ never saw the Indian middle class sulk over the governance limbo in our country.

So what can really cheer the nation? 

Some estimates say the royal birth will bring loud cheer for the British economy. Perhaps our political royalty needs to come up with novel ideas to pep up the national mood. In the larger interest of uplifting sagging national spirits, I request Rahul ji to tie the knot and provide some good news to a nation semi-blind with sleaze.

If my biology serves me right, there is enough time before May 2014. I guess it is too late to ask Modi ji, but Rahul ji can oblige us. Plus Modi ji has a development plank to surf the tide, but options for Rahul ji are limited.

Look at the all the strategic advantages. 
News is that Finland has already gifted William and Kate with a special ‘baby box’ received by expectant mothers in the Nordic country which includes infant clothing. Imagine China sending cute ‘baby boxes’ instead of aggressive soldiers? For all we know, Pakistan could send mittens and booties made from Peshawari wool, hand knitted by Hina Rabbani. No cricket diplomacy could match this baby diplomacy. Back home Times Now can be the first channel to say, ‘Your channel is the first to report the contents of the ‘baby box’. Arnab can invite a few Pakistani guests and debate the hand of the ISI in sending red mittens instead of the traditional pink or blue ones.

While bookies in Britain were betting on everything from baby’s name to baby’s weight, our betting veterans who are twiddling their thumbs after the cricket fiasco will be back in business. This way we can legalize betting and infuse all the stashed black money in our economy. Ramdev ji can thus breathe easy and revert back to his kapalbhati with Jethmalani ji. Who knows the prices of essential commodities could come down in view of all the celebrations? 

The birth of Prince George of Cambridge is helping the debt-laden  economy of Britain by boosting tourism.Tours of royal palaces are on, and visitors are thronging to catch a glimpse of the palace where the Prince is sleeping. We too can boost tourism by providing a two-night package tour of Delhi. Historical monuments like the India Gate and the Kutub Minaar can then be illuminated in blue or pink. 

But never mind all that. Any such good news holds great potential of blunting the political barbs. Forget an exuberant Pippa Mausi or Harry Chachu, imagine the joy of Tau Digvijay ji. In a fit of joy, he could embrace his Nagpur based rival and post lovey-dovey pictures on twitter.

I tell you this good news could prove to be a trump card in any political arsenal. Let the opposition slew in misery if they lack a virile royal Prince capable of giving us the good news. 

And if you think I have gone senile, what else can an idle mind do in the absence of jobs, onions and electricity?