Power Chat – Anytime, Anywhere, Anyone

Amartya Sen, in his book ‘The Argumentative Indian’ was spot on when he wrote about the Indian penchant for debates, discussion and intellectual pluralism. The chatting gene is hardwired in our DNA. We love to chat. Simple!

The new mobile application,We Chat, provides a platform to communicate via voice messages, texts and images. Since the download is free and works on multiple platforms, I was able to chat with five celebrities featuring on the new Indian Edition of Power List 2014.

Navjoke Singh Sidhu: Why Sidhu? Well, for the sheer fun of his verbal acrobatics. Have you seen anyone so tickled by his own jokes? With a surfeit of opinions, he is like a vending machine for quotes and proverbs. And you don’t even have to insert a coin.

“Congratulations on toppling Dhoni to become most powerful sport celebrity. Tell me, how do you memorize so many quotes?”

“Dekho, we are what we quote. A quotation is like a diamond in the

hands of a man of wit. I was always good. Soon after my birth I told the nurse, 'That’s the last time I am going up there'," laughs Sidhu. "Hehohahaha."

“Tell me about the cricket controlling board,” I ask smiling through gritted teeth. “This is a private, so spill.”

“Guru, the board is like a new bra - shining cups, tight hold and hardly any transparency. It is like a new born baby - a loud mouth on one end and no sense of responsibility on the other. It is like...”

I quit. But Sidhu continues to shake his Android phone to look for other chat partners.

***

Arnab Goswami: Being the judge, jury, executioner, petitioner, defendant and the final arbitrator of all that is right, Arnab is the most powerful media celebrity. Night after night, he hyperventilates to purge the nation from its miseries. Why? Because the nation wants to know!

“Good morning Arnab. The nation is wondering what’s behind all the bluster and voice modulation?”

“Nothing yaar. Since I don’t get to speak at home, I shout during News

Hour,” says Arnab as he looks around. “This is a private, right?”

“Yep. So Arnab, are you as confrontational with your wife as you are with the television guests? Yes or No?”

“With her, I am as aggressive as A.K. Hangal of Sholay,” says Arnab sheepishly.

***

Mallika Sherawat: The self-proclaimed international star toppled Katrina to become the most powerful actress. I am not sure about her acting talent but our Haryanavi girl sure has guts. A chat with Mallika enlightened me on issues of women empowerment and career management. Here is a glimpse.

“What’s with your twang Mallika? The accent, I mean,” I ask her.

“What twaaangg?"

I send her a video. 

"Nonsense. I used to speak the same way as a kid in Rohtak. I was this little girl who kind of spoke hurr mind, gave hurr opinions and smooched all the cows in hurr cowshed,” says Mallika.

***

Sanjay Jhaa: Cometh the hour, cometh the man. His gold winning performance in defending the indefensible has helped him earn a place among the most powerful in politics. He straddles the political and the virtual world with amazing smugness. Impressed with his ability to handle the media, I chatted with the indignant loyalist who has become the most powerful politician in 2014.

“Sanjay, you were the lone warrior of an unrepentant state. How

did you manage to face Arnab’s wrath?”

“Easy. Offense is the best form of defense. And when I don’t have an answer, I change the question. Then, I am good at convincing people that two wrongs make a right. It works all the time. Try it.”

***

EN Srinivasan: Confronted with adversity, Mr Srinivasan stood ground like a mountain in a snow storm. Imagine molesting morality, crushing outrage and becoming the most powerful Indian businessman? His cement company contributed to Bharat Nirman and he toppled Mukesh Ambani to emerge as the most powerful businessman in 2014. My Android phone connected instantly with his iOS via Facebook.

“How do you manage to survive the media onslaught with such

amazing self-righteousness?”

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. And stop hounding me.”

“I am not hounding you. In fact I want to invite you for a Group Chat to learn from your survival strategy,” I plead.

“I’m busy. I’ll record my message and release it to send later,” says Srinivasan and walks away.

***

I invited the above five for a Group Chat and we discussed all about being rich, famous and powerful.

Me: Guys, congratulations. How does it feel to be on the Power List, 2014?

Sidhu (laughs uncontrollably): Guru, someone has rightly said that being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people that you are, you aren’t.

Mallika: Huh? I dhon’t agree. Unless you tell people, how will they know? It’s all about shouting and announcing. I was the first woman to wear a bikini, you know. And I am in LA right now.

Srinivasan (angrily): What rubbish! Who is she? Power is not governed by what others think of you. I think therefore I am.

Arnab (agitated): Mr. Jha? I heard you manipulated your way on this list. Is it true? I demand an answer.

Sanjay (smiles): Have you tried it on the rocks Arnab? Power is like a peg which encourages notions of divinity. It is worth all the sucking up. I don’t care much for fame. Fame brings scrutiny. And money? Well as far as I know, power and money go hand in hand.

Arnab (getting all worked up): No. No. No. Please be specific. Times Now has proof that you manipulated your way on this list, Mr Jha. The nation wants to know.

Sanjay (confidently): So what? Srini did it too.

Srinivasaan (calls his lawyer): Dude, I am going to sue you. And Sidhu, you come and see me in the office.

Sidhu quits and leaves for Chennai immediately .

Me: Chill guys. Tell me, if you had to pick between wealth, power and fame, which one would you go for and why?

Sanjay (smiles): All three.

Srinivasan: Power without accountability any day.

Arnab: What about responsibility Mr. Srinivasan? The universe demands an answer.

Srinivasan: I make my own rules Mr. Goswami.

Arnab: You bet!

Mallika (flutters eyelashes and squeals):  He bets? Really? I'll go for him.

Sanjay (confused): Who is this girl? I have seen her somewhere.

Me: She is on your  Facebook cover Mr Jha. Arnab, what about you ? Power, wealth or money?

Arnab: As long as I get to expose, all three will come to me.

Mallika: How can you expose? Exposing is my forte. See? (Uses

the ‘Moments’ feature to share this picture.)

Srinivasan quits. Sanjay saves the picture on his latest Samsung.

Arnab: What about you Alka?

Me: You know what? Suddenly, I feel strange contentment in being penniless, anonymous and powerless.

(Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction as imagined by the writer. The intention is not to insult or malign individuals. This is a contest entry for Indiblogger in partnership with We Chat. Pictures are sourced from Wikipedia and Google. )