The Real Donor

Respected Sri Sri Tiwari Ji,

Considering your age and the fact that the latter part of my letter might offend you, I start with utmost reverence.
Truly, we live in the ‘age of sleaze’. First, we hear salacious rumors regarding your alleged romps, then some vivid CDs emerge and finally this contentious paternity test. I recently read that the courts have ordered to prick you with a needle or make you cough phlegm at the ripe old age of 85! Sad indeed. Alas, our law does not believe in spreading universal love!

Surely, it is not a crime to sow some wild oats across the length and breadth of the Hindi heartland. People with power and pelf do it all the time. After all, power itself is an aphrodisiac. On second thoughts, maybe, those who cannot perform at eighty-five are plain jealous and are spreading such canards. What say Sir?
Now take a deep breath and wipe that sweat of your forehead. I promise, I will refrain from narrating sick jokes like ‘Nar hai na nari hai, Narain Dutt Tiwari hai,’ because that will be a great contradiction for a man fighting a paternity suit. So let’s say that bed hopping tales were fabricated and the CDs were morphed or unauthentic. Political vendetta, you say. We do live in times where a tiny spy-cam is mightier than the sharpest sword.

Let’s move beyond your enviable yet incredible performances to more ethical issues. Agreed, that personal life of any political personality is a private matter. Voyeuristic public has no right to peep in political bedrooms. Right? Wrong. Because you were not simply the chief minister for three terms but also the Governor of Andhra Pradesh which is a ceremonial post. Any ceremonial post is atop moral pedestal. Don’t you think that the dignity of post got somewhat maligned with your alleged canoodling with err… let’s call them women of lesser morals.


Even if bed hopping is a norm in the corridors of power and even if it happens all the time after corporate, filmi or IPL parties, Sir Ji, you had a lot of fun under the sheets at the expense of the tax-payer in sarkaari guest houses. Let’s not even talk about the alleged monetary favors in return for the sexual ones.

Since you topped Allahabad University in Political Science, I am willing to disregard all the above salacious rumors. I strongly condemn the leering janta who without any proof, on mere insinuations, enjoys sleaze while reputations crumble. Also it is not fair to point fingers when the authenticity of CDs is questionable. I would refrain from judging you on that too.

But Sir Ji, what about the poor man called Rohit Shekhar? Surely, he deserves to know who his father is? A simple prick in your thick skin might enable the guy to send you ‘father’s day’ cards. Now don’t be offended, I simply said thick skin, for I saw you showing the V (victory sign, lest others get wild ideas) during the recent assembly elections. Pardon my double entendres but what did that V sign signify Mr Tiwari?

Okay, you say that this gentleman Rohit is simply needling you to wheedle out some moolah. So, be it. Live up to the reputation of the ‘He-Man’ that you are. Go to the courts and prove that he is lying. Why the hesitance? Tiwari ji, be a good boy, show that V sign and brave that prick. Unless it pricks your conscience that is!

If you win, your 'V' gesture, will stand vindicated. But if you lose, Dr Chaddha from Daryaganj clinic might approach you for some samples.

Great Regards