Weapons Of Mass Reduction

“I dig into aloo and gobhi paranthas everyday,” declared Kareena at the launch of her dietician Rujuta Diwekars weight loss book. As if on cue, another svelte stunner Shilpa Shetty tweeted, ‘Just had a Krispy Kreme donuts yumm!’

Are we idiots or do these wafer thin celebrities derive vicious pleasure in such charades? Either they are fibbing or they are blessed with great metabolism. Or maybe, it is the magic of 108 surya namaskars they profess to perform daily.

That brings me to a delicious paradox. The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and diet-books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare food, and the diet ones tell you how not to eat any of it. I have never ever bought weight loss books. Well, I don’t have the patience to follow weird diets. I mean who has the time to shop for exotic berries, Pepino melon, avocado or lettuce on a daily basis? And who has the patience to dish out weight loss salads? Fad diets are quick fix solutions. The weight comes back with vengeance once people go off the fad diet. Also if I start 108 surya namaskars, the husband will have to go without food. Okay, fine. I accept that I am lazy and impatient. Perhaps the dogged ones go all the way. Kudos to them.

With famous nutritionists and weight trainers at your beck and call, maintaining chiseled bodies is a tad bit easier. Hrithik says, “If I can do it, so can you.” Surely! But you Mr Roshan did it with the help of Kris Genthin, an international weight trainer and Maracia, a renowned nutritionist. Plus the celebrities have only one mission in life – to look good. I mean looking good is their business. But for lesser mortals who juggle daily chores, losing mind comes more naturally than losing weight.

When I feel stressed and upset , I do not have the luxury of a nutritionist who will fix a broccoli soup or a trainer who will coax me start cardio exercises. In all likelihood I will raid the refrigerator, take out scoops of butter scotch ice cream stored for unannounced guests, pour some chocolate syrup which the son loves, and gorge on it until I feel better. And feel even more upset afterwards. Surely it is not a mere coincidence that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Kismat mein oats and cereals ho to how can one gorge on donuts?

Recently at a book store, I browsed through Kallie Purie’s new book, ‘Confessions of a Serial Dieter’. Frankly I couldn’t even browse through. While leafing through a book a few lines can compel me to either sink in or jump out. Purie’s diet book had an assortment of diets and complex regimens which are not for sloths like me. If Purie is honest when she says that she tried 43 diets to find her happy weight, I salute her patience.

Rujuta Diwekar, another nutritionist became a bestselling author after her first book on weight loss. It was evident from the sales, that losing weight is a top priority for most urban folks. However, the question to be asked is: How many readers actually lost weight after reading the book? And more importantly how many readers were able to maintain their ideal weight? After any weight loss diet, people regain all the weight they lost because permanent weight loss needs a change of habits and not diets.And changing habits is a tedious process. There are no miracle cures. I have watched umpteen weight loss shows by Oprah and her ilk. And after watching Oprah recently at the literature fest, her countless weight loss shows over the decades seem such a waste. 

I don’t believe in losing mind over losing weight; unless one is obese or unhealthy. It is best to keep the plan simple. Firstly, it is important to remember that Input = Output. Second, body weight depends on your metabolism. It is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, control thyroid malfunction or hormonal fluctuations if any. And finally, since most women are emotional eaters, stress management plays an important role.

On a lighter note, LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters. "Practice safe eating — always use condiments."