Twattleground

The story goes like this. While visiting America, Winston Churchill attended a buffet luncheon where cold fried chicken was among the dishes served. A delighted Churchill returned for a second helping. "May I have some breast?" he politely asked. "Mr. Churchill," his hostess replied, "In this country we don’t say that, we ask for white meat or dark meat."

Churchill apologized profusely and the following morning sent the woman a magnificent orchid with an accompanying note. "I would be most obliged," it read, "if you would pin this on your white meat."

Those were Twitter-less times. Or else Churchill would have tweeted this witty note. His hostess would have tweeted back an equally interesting repartee. And while the two celebrities engaged in one-upmanship, the world would have had a tripping good time!

Twitter continues to be a tool for instant information - a tool to talk to the world.  But for celebrities it has become a prolific twattle-ground. On a personal note, I am not in favor of taking potshots in public. I simply vent my anger against establishment on my Facebook status. A few comments from friends reassure me that my anger is not misplaced. My anger stems against establishment. Against governance. Or the lack of it.  It is never personal.

Why then are celebrities clawing each other on twitter? Why has twitter become twicious and twasty? 

It all started when Modi and Tharoor engaged in a bitter twattle and ended up being vanquished by their own tweets. Then Sonam indulged in a twicious war with the writer and columnist Shobha De. I call it twicious for the comments were not merely below the belt. They were between the legs.

“Guys pls don't take Shobha De seriuosly. She's a fossil who's getting no action and going through menopause,” tweeted Sonam.

Just when I was about to send my first tweet to the world Salman Rushdie and Taslima Nasrin started micro-clawing each other on Twitter.

“Be aware of Salman Rushdie! He wants to get girls in his ‘whipped cream’ range”, tweeted Nasrin.

Rushdie tweeted back, “Somewhere in the distance I hear the envious miaow of #Taslima-Nasreen being catty about me. Tut, tut, Taslima. #Shame #Lajja.”

Needless to say that Salman Rushdie and Taslima Nasrin made a spectacle of themselves, hurling virtual twitballs at each other. But Taslima did not learn her lesson. She went ahead and tweeted about Priyanka Chopra’s father. “What an uncouth idiot man.” Why? Because senior Chopra had simply said, “Priyanka is like a son to me”. Taslima found this innocuous comment derogatory for women. The father in a fit of emotions simply praised his daughter. He perhaps did not have women’s liberation on his mind. So even if Taslima thinks his comments were derogatory, why call someone’s father - uncouth? 

Just when Chetan’s new book was about to be released, he slammed Narayan Murthy for running a body shop. It was too much of a coincidence. The timing of Chetan’s tweet smacked of cheap twensationalism.

Recently Suhel Seth was  sued by ITC for Rs 200 crore for defamation. His crime? Suhel had tweeted, “Yogi Devesh will teach the insider trading course at Tihar School of Business.” If one repeatedly bad-mouths in public, people are bound to retaliate.Also if celebrities cannot reign in their thoughts, what about lesser mortals? We live in exciting times where the tweet about Ms Sawant insuring her privates makes news.

 Like any other, twitter as a tool, has two sides. It can be used to disseminate information, to share ideas, to convey thoughts and to express angst. Flip the coin and you can engage in twattles, twensationalism or twipmanship. 

The choice is yours tweeples. Have fun. But try avoiding washing laundry in public.