One Depressed, Another Delusional

PATIENT NAME:Congress

OUT PATIENT SUMMARY: The patient shows clear signs of anxiety, fatigue, and loss of interest with suicidal tendencies.

CVS: NAD

HEAD: Swollen

ABDOMEN: Over-stuffed

EXTREMETIES: Jerky

TONGUE: Slippery

DIAGONOSIS: Subclinical Depression

MEDICATION ADVISED: Prozac 80, Alprax 0.50mg, Restyl 0.50mg TDS

We are unaware of the malaise afflicting Madam, but her party has been diagnosed with sub-clinical depression.

The art of politics is tested in times of dissent. The Grand Old Party is on slippery grounds. Each of them is falling with twice the thud even before the previous runner has had a chance to get up and shrug off the dirt. They are collectively in a firm grip of chronic depression. If you are medically inclined then you must be aware of the symptoms of depression exhibited by each one of them.

Dry Mouth, unexpected silence and fatigue: Dr. Man-Mohan Singh- He cannot speak or take action even when a daylight robbery takes place right under his nose.

Drowsiness, slurred speech: Essam. Krishna – He is awake only when he is shaking hands with Ms. Hina Rabbani Khar. He shook hands with her for so long that he ended up with a dislocated shoulder.

Epileptic Seizures: Mr. Bigvijay Singh – On days he forgets to take Prozac, he sacrifices all virtues on the altar of power.

Acute mania: Mr. Manish Tiwari - Power is an aphrodisiac and it seems he took an overdose of Prozac leading to extended arrogance.Side effects of this drug result in verbosity and loss of humility.

Flip-flops, megalomania: Mr. Clever Sibal – He refuses to take his daily dose of Prozac. No doubt he thinks that all the brickbats he gets are bouquets. So he keeps shoving mud in the eyes of a nation semi-blind with sleaze.

Delusion: Mr. Rashid Ahlvi - He imagines a foreign hand which is forcing and mobilizing people to come out on the streets.

Sweating, Blurred vision: Ms. Renooka Chowdhary - When the nation is debating the method and means of Anna, she tells Arnab to go and watch Peepli Live, implying that the present outpouring on the streets is media created, and that Anna is Natha of Peepli Live. God, someone please tell her to stop wiping make-up from her ostensibly botoxed forehead. 

FOLLOW UP: Patients condition to be checked frequently. Optimal level of medication should continue as withdrawal of medicines might lead to suicidal tendencies.

As imagined by a delusional neurologist.

We all know that Jan Lok Pal is not a panacea for all evils. The anger spilling on the streets is not only against corruption. It is against scheming ministers, lack of communication, rising prices, political arrogance, lack of leadership, lack of opportunities and uneven distribution of wealth.

While Congress is depressed, the major opposition party the BJP is delusional. They wish to ride on the wave of angry citizens. They are simply fishing in troubled waters. When the time comes to act in the parliament, they will make sure to thwart a strong bill. Who wants to axe his own foot?

The Congress’s weakness is BJP’s strength. In reality they are two sides of the same coin. If the Congress is suffering from depression the BJP is suffering from delusions of smelling an opportunity in unstable polity. And with both parties in the sickbay, the nation is on the streets.

(This is a satire as imagined by the writer.)