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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Chiptease





Yes, the title is designed to tease. And no, it has nothing to do with the word it rhymes with. Well, chiptease is the latest entry in the urban dictionary. What does it mean? You buy a bag of chips thinking that it will be full of chips, but when you open the bag it is barely full, is chiptease. Over promise, but under deliver.No wonder then that nothing weighs lighter than a promise.

Don’t we get chipteased in every walk of our lives?
Politicians, builders, and advertisers all chiptease us when they promise the earth and the sky. And eventually we realize that all the tall promises were a bagful of air.
How about going for a guy who promises the least? In all probability, he will be the least disappointing.

But, why blame others. When it comes to advertising we conveniently dress in hyperbole. Ever wondered how all the girls in matrimonial advertisements are fair, tall and beautiful? By some strange logic most boys are tall, well placed and handsome.

Marketing is all about teasing. The clever jugglery of words and phrases like ‘up to 50% off’ and ‘conditions apply’ are all marketing chipteasers. The moment you close eyes to the ‘Up to’ tag, you are in for a big hole in the pockets. Large enough for Harbhajan’s balls to pass through. Clarification. I am referring to the ball bearings he made in an alcohol advertisement.

The recent chiptease cleverly executed by master chipteaser Kapil Sibal and supported by his cronies has resulted in mayhem on the streets. Only this time his chicanery was caught by the people and the government stood exposed.   Finally the cameo role was allotted for the mighty Pranab da, the official counselor of disputes.

This decade has redefined more than a few words so that modern writing has become cryptic. The new words become a part of our lexicon only if they remain relevant like twitter and Bluetooth. In my earlier post I had written about new words like sofalize( Socialise from the comforts of home) and coffice( Having coffee in office) but both have become irrelevant due to lack of usage. And English is a funny language. From chiptease to striptease, it is all about relevance and usage.
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58 comments:

  1. ranaAugust 24, 2011 at 12:02 AM

    a real mind teaser....how are you able to exercise your mind such and produce such wonderful works....you are marvelous in your job !!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pesto SauceAugust 24, 2011 at 12:03 AM

    Cheaptease to sell stuff is common moreso in Gurgaon

    ReplyDelete
  3. vinnyAugust 24, 2011 at 12:10 AM

    Bloody cool...i love ur chiptease :)

    this airtel ad spoof is just so perfect..every line so apt! u should write more Hinglish poems, jingles now

    on a serious note, my hubby bought a Tata Docomo (upto 7.2 mbps) estick four months back, we r yet to see speed of 1 MBps on it!! The customer care emphasised on 'UPTO' , can u believe that coming from the TATA brand?? docomo says 'KEEP it Simple Silly'

    will update u as the matter has been escalated higher...for now they have accepted that they do not have towers in my area that provide signal strength:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. vinnyAugust 24, 2011 at 12:12 AM

    will return to read the posts that i have missed...keep up the awesomeness!!

    r u on Twitter? can't see any twitter handle, only ur Facebook and i'm not on Facebook :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Harish P IAugust 24, 2011 at 12:58 AM

    Upto is the most ugliest and misleading word in ad industry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Harish P IAugust 24, 2011 at 12:59 AM

    Upto is the most ugliest and misleading word in ad industry.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sarah malikAugust 24, 2011 at 1:02 AM

    ohhh...I'd first mention on the jingle...its just fabbbbb to say the least! *applause*

    and v usually buy 'kurkure' to avoid chiptease:P


    sarah

    ReplyDelete
  8. beingFabAugust 24, 2011 at 1:26 AM

    Ha ha.. the airtel 'tease' is perfect!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousAugust 24, 2011 at 2:19 AM

    this is a good post...chiptease, didn't know this existed :) *pun intended*

    ReplyDelete
  10. Prateek BagriAugust 24, 2011 at 2:43 AM

    Bloody Chips makers. They keep a ration of 50:50. 50% chips and 50% air.
    Try to sneak in Nehru Place; they're the real God.

    ReplyDelete
  11. umashankarAugust 24, 2011 at 3:00 AM

    Unfortunately, I've not listened to the Airtel advertisement being referred to. (Please don't be surprised). But I do subscribe to the idea. Life has truly become as worthless as the amount of chips you discover in air-bloated Chips' packs these days.

    ReplyDelete
  12. SakshiAugust 24, 2011 at 3:08 AM

    Amazing! Your insight is AWESOME! You should really become an independent political commentator! We need people like you :D ALWAYS!

    ReplyDelete
  13. MadhulikaAugust 24, 2011 at 3:27 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. MadhulikaAugust 24, 2011 at 3:33 AM

    so true... The condition get worse when you get a packet of chips or may be even kurkure... you hardly get any in them inspite of their big packets... errr... i hate it..

    ReplyDelete
  15. SuruchiAugust 24, 2011 at 3:34 AM

    amazing as alwaya Alks,
    and the closing lines of the song-a standing ovation...I wish you'd think of politics as a career..we so need more informed and in-you-face people like you:-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. RahulAugust 24, 2011 at 4:24 AM

    Creativity at its best!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:01 AM

    @Rana...:)

    @Pestosauce...Gurgaon is all hype...u r rt.

    @oldfox...Welcome back...I went on ur blog but perhaps you had disabled comments in your last poem.
    It is amazing that Tata has joined the bandwagon.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:02 AM

    @Oldfox...Yes, I am on twitter, but i tweet my blogposts only.Will add the link.


    @Harish..:)

    @sarah...Thanks dear.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:04 AM

    @beingfab...:) Thanks

    @Chintan..I came to know about the word on NDTV.

    @Prateek...NehruPlace has special chips?

    ReplyDelete
  20. KunalAugust 24, 2011 at 5:05 AM

    This is the funniest post..I have read in sometime...Fortunately...your blog promises and it delivers. Big time.. :D

    I am going to share it on FB. :P

    ReplyDelete
  21. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:06 AM

    @Umashankar...As I said, nothing weighs lighter than a promise. You cant escape from the jingle, it is all over radio and TV.

    @Sakshi....Thank you sweetheart.

    @Madhulika...The feeling of being cheated is nauseating to say the least.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:08 AM

    @Suruchi....I am less informed but more jobless...so end up reading newspapers and watching news.

    @Rahul....Thanks.Rahul, my husband is also from DCE, Mechanical.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 5:20 AM

    @Kunnu...It is reaassuring to know that my blog is not bagful of air.

    Thanks for the share. It is such appreciation which keeps me going.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Prateek BagriAugust 24, 2011 at 5:37 AM

    Yes. Computer hardware chips. :D

    ReplyDelete
  25. AmritAugust 24, 2011 at 6:53 AM

    Your blog posts are not chipteasers. They deliver what they promise.

    ReplyDelete
  26. PurbaAugust 24, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    That was some teaser and I nearly choked on my coffee when I read about Harbhajan's balls. Thank God you clarified.

    I can already imagine myself singing your wicked parody. You deserve an Oscar for it.

    ReplyDelete
  27. IrfanuddinAugust 24, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    Perhaps that why they say..."DIKHAAWE PE NA JAAO, APNI AQAL LAGAAO"....:)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Blasphemous AestheteAugust 24, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    It's all about efficiency pricing, or better, shadow pricing. That is why the T&C apply are written in the smallest of all fonts.
    Though I haven't had a chance to read a manifesto, but I know form trusted people what we seek and what we get. It's all about efficiency, of filling pockets, nothing more.

    And this rhyme should be aired back to back with the original piece.

    Nice post.


    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  29. hamaarethoughts.comAugust 24, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    Very nice and efficiently put..from chiptease to Neta..
    its sad thou ..how smart market technology is with its expert way of fooling people..
    I am surprised by the car dealers and when it comes to payment they say"you didnt read the fine print?"(which says this was a misleading statement)
    Ass-holes!

    ReplyDelete
  30. ShobhitAugust 24, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    :-)

    That is the very basis of marketing. Whether be it for commodities, matrimonials or politics.

    There's an award waiting for you here :

    http://mindzpeak.blogspot.com/2011/08/special-award.html

    ReplyDelete
  31. BK Chowla,August 24, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    All these cheats in most of the areas, including politics, you mentioned get away only because tne present laws are so designed.One day they will pay a heavy price

    ReplyDelete
  32. Jyoti MishraAugust 24, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    The sucking reality of marketing unleashed..
    u always amaze me by your wit...
    DESH JO CHAHE, DOOR LE JAAYE....... Awesome
    n super like !!!

    Its going straight to my fb wall.

    ReplyDelete
  33. zephyrAugust 24, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    Wonderful expose of the chipteases that we are all victims of. The jingle was fantastic and i tried setting it to the tune on TV -- perfecccttt!
    btw, did you mean sycophant or psychopath? Both would be apt of course :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 11:18 PM

    @Prateek...ha, ha.Even those are pirated ones.

    @Purbs....I humbly accept.This tune has been ringing non-stop in my head. Ha, ha sorry about the coffee choke...lol.

    @Irfan...true.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 11:20 PM

    @Anshul... we should sing this one at Ramlila maidan...

    @Harman....;)

    @Shobhit...Thank you indeed for the award. Keeps me enthused.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Alka GurhaAugust 24, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    @BKC...True. 2014 is the expiry date.

    @Jyoti....Thanks .Should we play this at Ramlila Maidan?

    @Zephyr...It has been ringing in my head non-stop. feel like singing it at the Ramlila Maidan. Psycopath suits better, such mess they have created.

    ReplyDelete
  37. magiceyeAugust 24, 2011 at 11:49 PM

    :) sahi!
    mms is mumbling in the lok sabha now...
    our country is adrift

    ReplyDelete
  38. AmritAugust 25, 2011 at 6:43 AM

    @Alka,

    Are you upset with me? You did not reply to my comment.

    ReplyDelete
  39. RachitAugust 25, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    hehe.. you are unto it again.. Sibal might negotiate with your blog too :P

    Weakest LINK

    ReplyDelete
  40. Jyoti MishraAugust 25, 2011 at 5:31 PM

    Sure... play it out loud LOL

    ReplyDelete
  41. Alka GurhaAugust 25, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    @Deepak....the haggling between two sides now looks like a fish market.

    @A....Ooops, sorry. Missed replying. It means a lot. Honestly and I am not teasing...chip or other wise.:)Thanks indeed.

    @Rachit, Jyoti......ha, ha...i am croaking. Can you hear it.Sibal has no time for my blog. Only wonderful readers like you read me.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Manisha BhatiaAugust 25, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    Alka i loved it.....jhakkas!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. UnknownAugust 26, 2011 at 5:33 AM

    Ultimate read.

    Your posts are amazingly refreshing. Also, thanks for sharing this new word chiptease with us.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Alka GurhaAugust 26, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    @Mani...Thank you for the jhakaas comment.


    @Rachit...Thank you for reading. Appreciate your time and comments Rachit.

    ReplyDelete
  45. AADAugust 26, 2011 at 9:09 AM

    Hello Alka, came across your blog through the FB bloggers group.
    really nice blog you have here, keep up the good work !!!.
    I love reading female bloggers, so will come around often.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Rachna ChhabriaAugust 26, 2011 at 9:09 AM

    I loved your Chiptease. Alka, your posts never cease to amaze me. Your quirky style always cheers me up and also gives me food for thought.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Alka GurhaAugust 26, 2011 at 11:46 PM

    AAD...Thank you indeed, you are welcome here.


    @Rachna...:) Coming from you it means a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  48. ZebaAugust 27, 2011 at 1:22 AM

    "The Awkward Moment when u Buy a Bag of air and the company is nice enough to throw is some chips..." Haha.

    Thought proving post. Chiptease! I LIKE this word. Sigh. Some great points you got in there..

    ReplyDelete
  49. ASAugust 27, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    hello

    sorry for late comment, was down with flu :(

    i like the hinglish poem :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. SamadritaAugust 27, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    Seriously, this is my first time hearing about the words sofalize and coffice. Maybe I haven't been able to move on with the times. :(

    ReplyDelete
  51. GiribalaAugust 28, 2011 at 6:57 PM

    Lol!! Great lyrics!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Alka GurhaAugust 29, 2011 at 5:37 AM

    @Zeba..:)

    @AS..Wish you a speedy recovery. Hope you are fine now.

    @Samadrita...No, one uses them so they are defunct now.

    @Giribala..ha, ha thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  53. TeamgsquareAugust 31, 2011 at 3:42 AM

    Nice post .

    ReplyDelete
  54. MithlashSeptember 1, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  55. BikramSeptember 1, 2011 at 5:06 AM

    yesssssssssssss HAR ek neta zaroori hota hai ..

    thought provoking lets hope it provokes some thoughts .. warna NETA to zaroora hota hi hai

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  56. ravindra rajputSeptember 1, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    hhahaha very well written...
    You have caught the bull by its horns.
    Most of the times we are overpromised and underdelivered,leaving us in a lurch.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Subhrashis AdhikariSeptember 1, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    ROFT Alka...this was awesome...poor Bhajji...and the airtel parody...too good...entertainment overdose...

    you are right, we see chiptease in almost every aspect of life...over promised, under-delivered...

    the politicians sometimes makes people believe that the glass in not half full, it is full, half with water and half with air...many see that as a positive thing forgetting that it's a chiptease :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. JackSeptember 19, 2011 at 10:02 AM

    Alka,

    How true! Promise to promise hota hai, kaam ke waqt yeh kahaan yaad hota hai? That is what is called marketing. Your Hinglish poem summed up current state so aptly. Please do write more.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete