Saturday, June 4, 2011

BIPASA Rants and Raves



Bips Diray

At any social gathering, rather predictably, given the Indian predilection I used to be the topic of discussion. And now this ‘corruption’ has become a hot favorite. I am used to being discussed and talked about among men. Not by the way of being an erotic symbol but by simply being a necessity. Of all my seductions, the most enticing is my indispensability. Forget Bengal, the entire nation is struggling to come across me. And I continue to be an enigma - teasing, evading and completely disappearing at times. I inspire, I promise, I stun. Yet I remain elusive. A dream.

On a scorching summer night when you return home yearning to rest that aching back on your soft pillow, I can leave you breathless sweating and panting. Asking for more! So what if I am dusky, I am a must after dusk. For a nation obsessed with Bollywood, I am an inescapable nemesis. Imagine yourself on a long drive in my search and a mere glimpse is a refreshing teaser.

So you scratch your head and wonder- why am I so accessible to neta log? In fact, I call them personally and say hello. A phone call and I am available - like fully man! And for free. That I cater to Amar Singh’s basic instincts is known. The fact it is in public domain. But I do not wish to be a politician’s fantasy. I want the attention of the entire nation.

You go to the blessed state of America and you find me all over…In fact I am all over in South East Asia. Why not back home? There is simmering resentment among people. Six decades after freedom and yet I remain elusive? Why? Will the entire nation have to go on a fast- unto-death to have me? Will people have to crawl in their dreams to seek me?

After paying hefty taxes, should I not be available to all? Now that the world has promoted us as an emerging Super Power, I don’t wish to be discussed any more. I simply need to be accessible. A given.
Before you chew me into bits for denigrating women, let me tell you that I am Bipasa – ‘Bi’jli ‘Pa’ni and ‘Sa’dak and not John Abraham’s ex-girlfriend.
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37 comments:

  1. Prateek BagriJune 4, 2011 at 4:29 AM

    BiPaSa seems to be quite relieved after all rants and raves. What fascinates me the most is what will jOH(!)n put in his secret journal?

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  2. RachitJune 4, 2011 at 4:42 AM

    impressive and courageous. Nice read :)

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  3. GiribalaJune 4, 2011 at 6:24 AM

    Great!! From start to end it kept me guessing....:-)

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  4. Alka GurhaJune 4, 2011 at 6:36 AM

    @Prateek...Hmm..So what if Bips left him j(OH) still has his bike.

    @Rachit..Thanks.

    @Giribala..:)

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  5. Blasphemous AestheteJune 4, 2011 at 8:39 AM

    BiPaSa is really going to be a thing of luxury in the coming days. Nice one, was totally unexpected and beautifully done.

    Even Bipasa is a single piece, only one would finally have her too.

    Nice read.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  6. RachnaJune 4, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    Oh well, this Bipasa is what our country really needs to focus on.

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  7. SamadritaJune 4, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    Hmm the telephone convo was shocking to say the least. Such filth everywhere!

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  8. JackJune 4, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    Alka,

    Good one. Twist at the end set me roaring with laughter making my wife stare at me as if I needed to be straitjacketed. Very effectively conveyed need for basic amenities of life. On previous one, again with good wit or sarcasms. If you need a lawyer to fight off those tour operators, do let me know as I can line up few good ones.

    Take care

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  9. Alka GurhaJune 4, 2011 at 10:14 AM

    @Anshul...24/7 Bijli Paani is a luxury. So u like Bips?...Hmmm..She IS attractive.

    @Rachna....Rather urgently I would say.


    @Samadrita...Its mutual backscratching.

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  10. Alka GurhaJune 4, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    @Jack...I am glad I made you laugh. But its easy to make good people laugh isnt it?

    Jack once we paid in advance Thomas Cook took us for a ride. We had a bad experience with them. Thanks for the offer but who has the time to sue them?

    you take care too.

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  11. Rachna ChhabriaJune 4, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. Rachna ChhabriaJune 4, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Really an impressive post, Alka. Kudos to you for posting it. I haven't heard the tapes but have read about them.

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  13. IrfanuddinJune 4, 2011 at 10:33 AM

    Here at my place we miss "BIPASA" very much.........

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  14. RajlakshmiJune 4, 2011 at 11:22 AM

    awesome post :d loved the ending :D
    I need Bipasa here... specially the Bi part :D

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  15. ajayJune 4, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    An interesting read. :) John's ex-girlfriend? Bipasa should be made to read this. She would be mighty pleased. :)

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  16. AmritJune 4, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    BB is not my favorite except one song......

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  17. Aabha VatsaJune 4, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    A good one, as usuall :)

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  18. Harish P IJune 4, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    brilliant piece.. lol.. from the moment I started reading, the missing H was puzzling me..

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  19. Alka GurhaJune 5, 2011 at 1:06 AM

    @Rachna..I have heard the tapes and one line is scandalous. But it appears that Bips is coming on to Amar Singh and not the other way round.

    @Irfan...Its high time we had all the three.

    @Rajlakshmi...Yes, Bi is desperately needed in this scorching heat.

    @A...Shes indispensable.

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  20. Alka GurhaJune 5, 2011 at 1:09 AM

    @Abha...Thank you for reading.

    @Harish... ha, ha...thanks.

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  21. zephyrJune 5, 2011 at 1:57 AM

    You had me there, right till the end -- LOL. I was going to come down on you like a ton of bricks when you saved yourself from the catastrophe :D

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  22. JackJune 5, 2011 at 4:16 AM

    Alka,

    It is not to sue them but if they read their new names here and harass you it is time to fight back, isn't it?

    Take care

    PS : On second thoughts they may be rhino skinned by hearing a lot face to face from others.

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  23. Alka GurhaJune 5, 2011 at 7:10 AM

    @Zephyr....I was hoping that people read the last line or i am lynched. Ha ha.

    @Jack...Thanks, in case they do, I will need help.

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  24. AshviniJune 5, 2011 at 9:38 AM

    Hahah !!! Nice plot, I had the wiff, so I looked at the end :).

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  25. Subhrashis AdhikariJune 5, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    Awesome....loved it...BiPaSa is what we need....:-)

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  26. JonJune 5, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    Initially i thought it was u...:D

    Well we got to appreciate the fact tht she has one hell load of a figure and she worked hard for it...still she is rarely called to movie nowadays cos of the AGE!!!

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  27. smJune 5, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    nice read

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  28. magiceyeJune 5, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    lol! till the end was left wondering whats with you?! hahaha

    great post!!

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  29. PerceptionJune 5, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    Nice twist in the end..Liked the way you put it though the picture was certainly misleading..

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  30. Alka GurhaJune 5, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    @ashwini..smart thinking.. Its a common term in eastern India.

    @SUB...She should be a given after six decades of independence.

    @Jon...Hello?
    She looked good in Dum maro Dum if you saw it.

    @sm...Thank u.

    @magic eye..I knew I would be lynched by those who did not read the end, and so I put it in bold letters. Thanks for reading Deepak.

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  31. AmritJune 6, 2011 at 4:47 AM

    @Alka,

    BB is indispensable. Haha:)))

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  32. BikramJune 6, 2011 at 5:10 AM

    and what a post that is indeed ghar ghar ki kahani and everywhere .. omnipresent .. the Bi Pa Sa...

    I had a smile in the end confsued to start where are we going but lovely READ :)

    Bikram's

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  33. Alka GurhaJune 6, 2011 at 8:41 AM

    @perception....thank you for reading.


    @A...Surely. High time.


    @Bikram...:)

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  34. BK Chowla,June 7, 2011 at 5:14 AM

    Humor at its best

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  35. hamaarethoughts.comJune 11, 2011 at 11:00 AM

    ..so humorous loved the whole post...
    center of attraction ,other day I was watching a Pakistani show ...UJP where anchor was discussing only bipasha...I was surprised why?
    Now I came to know the real reason
    lol ;)

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  36. rajiJune 17, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    I don't call it humor but it's creativity at it's best!Truly,U have crafted imagination with facts and humor in a finest blend.

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  37. subhorup dasguptaDecember 3, 2012 at 10:34 PM

    Discovering the post now, and am bowled over by its brilliance (or darkness, whatever). Superbly crafted.

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