HEAVY PETTING

Let me begin by sharing a story. A man wrote a letter to a small hotel where he had planned a vacation.

“I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”

The hotel owner replied. “I have been operating this hotel for decades and I have never had a dog steal towels, linen, cutlery or silverware. I have never had to evict a drunken dog and I have never had a dog run out on the bill. Yes, indeed your dog is welcome. And if your dog will vouch for you, you are welcome too.”

Considering the fact that dogs are faithful, do not throw kerosene on fellow dogs to burn them alive, rape puppies or take bribes, they surely are on a higher moral pedestal.

In my apartment complex, pet pee in elevators or pet poop on walkways is not the pet peeve any more. It is an entirely different take on heavy petting.

Imagine a sun kissed spring morning. A group of women with streaked hair and tights are performing yoga in the open lawns of a sprawling gated complex. When they inhale and exhale the world appears even more beautiful, even more peaceful. The class ends and the ladies lie down on their expensive mats in shavaasana, perfectly still and completely blissful. Suddenly one of them feels a sniffing face next to hers. She even feels the saliva dripping on her forehead. She shrieks. It is Laila. Now, Laila, is the privileged stray dog, the bone of contention between two groups of residents.

Strangely, Laila is male but has been named so, by some imaginative kid, overawed by the jawani of a phonetically sounding similar name. Laila refuses to leave the complex even though hysterical security guards run after her oops him with sticks. A group of residents want Laila to stay within the complex. No, they will not have her as a pet in their house but insist on ‘humanitarian grounds’ that Laila stays within the premises. Whereas, the rival group wants the stray out of sight. They fear that the precedent could allow monkeys, buffaloes and cows in the complex. You think it is a trivial issue? Laila’s case was presented before the ultimate champion of all four legged and winged ones - Maneka Gandhi. Laila being essentially male is absolutely enjoying all the attention and continues to drool over pretty women and growl at cute Pomeranian's of the society. I say go Laila go….have fun. Let the gloves come out, let people break bones and fight for your cause.

http://www.finalstand.org/final/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=203:visit-report-heritage-city-gurgaon&catid=35:projects&Itemid=65


Mark Zuckerberg’s puppy named Beast has his own page on Facebook. Once you become a billionaire your pet dog, hamster, cat or python, all become famous and move to the higher echelons of the society. So when the status message on the profile reads, ‘I just took a dump and Mark picked it up. It was glorious,’ thousands press the like button. Beast has more than sixty five thousand fans already. I envy you Beast. Here I am slogging away for a few comments and there you have a billionaire write for you while you enjoy that siesta.

When President Roosevelt announced, ‘You can criticize me, my wife and my policies but not my dog,” a precedent of presidential pets was created in the United States. No doubt Obama’s ‘Bo’ is the first dog of the United States, more privileged and more powerful than most.
News is that a pregnant Mariah Carey has reportedly engaged a shrink to prepare her pets for the arrival of her twin babies. Well, the pampered pooches shouldn’t feel rejected when her own twin babies arrive. If she is out partying, she can of course drop her pooches to a New York discotheque, recently inaugurated for dogs and dogs only. Humans not allowed. I wonder if the DJ is a Rottweiler. Imagine carefully coifed pooches and thoroughbred pups shaking a leg at Manhattans first doggie disco. And what’s more, tired dancing doggies can refuel on ‘poochi sushies’ or take a break after retiring in a special Zen room.

I say it is all well deserved. After all as the cliche goes ‘Every Dog has his Day.’